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How To Overcome A Sudden Job Loss by Tom Brophy for THE WALL STREET JOURNAL For the past several years, I’ve worked for New Jersey’s Department of Labor in Trenton, also known as the unemployment office. I certainly never thought I’d wind up here, but I’ve since realized that career paths don’t always work out the way we’ve planned. During my tenure here, I’ve spoken one-on-one to thousands of unemployed people. In most cases, my meetings are during each person’s eligibility review interview (ERI), when it’s my responsibility to verify their claims and make sure they’re doing everything necessary to remain eligible to receive unemployment checks. First-Timers In the beginning, there was an interview form I adhered to that covered such topics as how to look for work, deciding what kind of work you’re best suited for and how far you’re willing to travel. It was canned, cold and impersonal. As time passed, I discovered I had a lot in common with the group I’ll call "first-timers." You see, I was unemployed before joining the state workforce, having owned my own business, a shoe store, for more than 20 years. When it closed, I was completely lost and had no idea how to get through each day, much less find a job. I had no energy or self-esteem, and I felt unwanted and scared to death. How ironic it was to eventually land a new job—through networking with friends—in which I spend each day hearing about the pain I’d felt myself only months before. As I grew more comfortable in my role as an interviewer, I’d occasionally ask "How are you feeling?" or "How do you spend your time?" Once candidates sensed that I was genuinely interested in their feelings, they often broke down and cried. I was able to hit a nerve and what I heard was revealing. They were hurting and disoriented. They were someplace they’d never been before, yet were expected to fall into place and accept their plight. The more I listened, the more I varied from the cold, insensitive questioning the state expected from me. Many candidates seem almost paralyzed when they lose jobs for the first time, and tend to set themselves up for rejection and major disappointments. One of the first faculties layoff victims lose is their ability to deduce. They can no longer figure out how to get things done, such as get in touch with certain people. Yet, this inability really isn’t your fault. You just don’t know how to react otherwise. For example, one of the major problems job hunters face is eliciting responses after sending out lots of resumes. I sent 30 or 40 a month for three months, and received four responses. Every day I hear candidates say, "Don’t hiring managers realize how important it is for me to hear from them?" and "Can’t they at least acknowledge that my resume arrived?" Think of the situation this way: What if you were traveling a road you’d known for years and one day, on your way to an important meeting, found yourself behind several hundred cars in a traffic jam caused by a parade? Knowing you had no time to spare, would you sit and wait? No way! You’d get off the main drag and take side streets to reach your destination. It’s an automatic response. The problem with job hunters is that they usually can’t see the traffic jam of candidates who also are sending resumes for the same positions they want. They’ve lost the ability to deduce. Your goal is to get to decision-makers. But losing a job can make you numb, you may be following orders without understanding why you aren’t getting results. After several months, it’s easy to feel as though nobody wants you. After all, simple mathematics shows that earning five responses after sending 100 resumes is a 95% rejection rate. That’s when I hear comments like, "They don’t want me" and "My resume is so bad they won’t even acknowledge it." Small Victories How can someone who was successful and well-adjusted just a few months earlier suddenly become a social outcast? The truth is, you weren’t rejected. Instead, your resume simply didn’t feature the key word or phrase that an entry-level personnel person was told to look for, so it landed in the round file. That’s not a personal rejection. It’s an unfair process that favors great resume writers over great potential employees. The most important need when job hunting is an occasional victory. Of course, the biggest victory is a new job. But all you really need are lots of tiny wins that help today be better than yesterday and next week better than last week. We all have an invisible scale inside our heads that must be balanced in order for us to think and function normally. The day before becoming unemployed, that scale was evenly balanced, but as time passes and rejections pile up, one side starts weighing more than the other. Our thinking process gets thrown out of balance and we start making poor decisions. To bring your scale back to where it belongs, look for easy wins wherever you can find them. Here’s a suggestion: Remember the hundreds of resumes you were planning to mail out? Don’t do it. Instead, use resumes only to answer ads, not to introduce yourself to others. Rather than fill the world with resumes, take time through personal and telephone networking to identify decision-makers, then send resumes only to them. You may reduce the number of resumes you mail to 12 next month from 100, but they’ll have much higher odds of being "hits." You’ll have spent quality time researching the names of key decision-makers in your field, and you’ll create "wins" by earning interviews from the people most likely to help you. Research Here’s another suggestion. Before picking up the phone to start calling, do the research necessary to make your calls worthwhile. Create a list of names of people you want to talk to directly. Whether it’s the vice president of research, the marketing director or someone you worked with on a project two years ago, know their correct name, title and company. Next, write down what you want to say. Your opening statement shouldn’t last more than 20 seconds, and it should be "up," showing that you’re a positive person, not a pathetic, unwanted nuisance who’s begging for a job. Remember, too, that the most important part of the conversation is what you say at the very end. Your goal is to help contacts help you without feeling threatened. A typical conversation might be: "Thanks, Bob, for taking the time to talk with me. I certainly understand that things are tight, but let me ask you this. Would you have any objection if I got back to you in 10 days to check in?" They’ll agree to keep an eye out for you because you haven’t been confrontational or sounded desperate. Eventually, you’ll see that the fifth call is easier than the first call, and the 15th call easier than the 10th. You’re creating situations in which both sides of the scale are even again. Try to imagine that a dear friend had come to you a year ago upset and hurting. He was unemployed and felt lousy. You likely would have sat that person down and given him a pep talk, wouldn’t you? And I’d bet that after talking with you for an hour, he would have walked away from the conversation feeling better than when it began. The problem is that we can do this for others, but we can’t do it for ourselves. Therefore, try to remove yourself from your current situation. Get about six feet away to help this friend of yours (you) who’s unemployed and feeling bad. Help with decisions and offer solid advice. There’s a little boy or girl in each of us that needs to be taken care of by the adult in each of us. Don’t let your inner child be set up for rejection. Don’t respond to blind newspaper ads that provide only a box number and replies never come, for example. Create a game plan and go over the pros and cons before taking action. Be the best babysitter in the world for the most important person in the world. Playing by the Rules It never ceases to amaze me that unemployed people have an unbelievable affinity for following instructions. Somehow they believe that we all must play by the "Marquis of Queensbury" rules and never hit below the belt or behind the neck. We mustn’t offend or anger anyone by not complying with so-called "acceptable behavior" when trying to get a job. Yet, job hunting is war without bullets. We have to do what’s best for us any way we can. If your child was sick and needed a medical specialist, would you tolerate formalities when trying to reach that doctor? Would you become squeamish and defensive when hearing "nos" along the way? Would you pay attention to protocol or worry about offending someone? Of course not. But when it comes to looking out for our own careers, we hesitate and wallow in self-pity. Instead, look for ways to improve your self-esteem. Start by listing 12 accomplishments you’re most proud of and that produced results. What strengths and skills did you use when doing them? Describe these abilities to others when interviewing to demonstrate what you can do for them. Other ways to boost your self-confidence include: Join and participate in a job-search support group. It’s always comforting to know that you’re not alone. Review the on this site for a club in your area. Consider working as a consultant to get your foot in the door. This will allow you to explore new career areas. When you network, don’t just talk with people you think might hire you. Talk with everyone you know, letting them know the kind of work you want to do. And always ask if they know anyone else you should talk with. Remember that there’s no one else on the planet exactly like you, and that what you are and can contribute comes from you—not your job. You’re truly "one of a kind" and very special. By creating itsy-bitsy wins every day, you’ll slowly gain back your confidence. You’ll no longer stare at the phone waiting for returned calls. You’ll stop rewriting your resume every time you fail to get a response. And you’ll no longer keep that imaginary score of resumes sent versus responses received or allow each passing day to confirm your conclusion that you don’t have what companies want. Unemployment is a new neighborhood that most of us view as very unfriendly. You’re not supposed to know all the street names or how to get from here to there right away. It takes time and patience to learn your way. There’s no stigma attached to being new to the neighborhood. But if you were given a personal guide to your new neighborhood, wouldn’t that make your transition easier? So why not become your own guide, confidant, translator and babysitter? After all, who’s more qualified for the job than you? |
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